Finding Allies

Why going it alone might be your greatest liability.

You are who you spend the most time with. That’s not just a saying—it’s a survival strategy. Throughout history, tribes have helped humans adapt by fostering shared language, beliefs, and behavior. The same principle applies today. Whether we realize it or not, we mirror the people around us. And when we’re setting new goals or embarking on personal change, this influence becomes either a liability—or a powerful asset.

Big Idea

You don’t have to go it alone. In fact, you probably shouldn’t. Allies—people who support your goals while holding you accountable—can be the difference between stalling out and making meaningful progress. But allies aren’t just cheerleaders. They offer honest feedback, shared experience, and the kind of insight that shortcuts wasted effort. The key is to choose them wisely and be honest with them from the start.

Allies Aren’t Always Friends

The best allies don’t just pat you on the back—they challenge you when you need it most. While friends may hesitate to hurt your feelings, a true ally won’t shy away from the hard conversations. That’s why mentors, coaches, and support groups are often better suited to walk alongside you through struggle. Their objectivity and shared sense of mission often outlast polite friendship.

Shared Experience Accelerates Growth

The right ally has already faced what you’re facing—and has the scars to prove it. They don’t just sympathize; they understand. That empathy, earned through experience, becomes a guiding force. They know what to expect and where the traps lie. Like someone who’s already walked the trail and left behind a map, their presence saves you time and unnecessary pain.

Radical Transparency Builds Trust

Real allies can’t help you if you’re hiding. This means admitting your fears, flaws, and failures upfront. When you’re honest about what holds you back, you provide others with the information they need to help you move forward. Pretending to have it all together might protect your ego, but it stalls your progress. Vulnerability is essential for accountability.

Your Best Allies Might Not Be Like You

Sometimes your greatest ally is someone who sees the world completely differently. It’s easy to surround yourself with like-minded people, but that comfort can blind you to your blind spots. Broadening your perspective by forming alliances across differences can lead to breakthroughs in both self-awareness and strategy. It’s not always comfortable, but it’s often transformative.

Takeaway

Here are a few questions to help you identify and build the right alliances:

• Who in your life challenges you while still believing in you?

• Are your current relationships pushing you toward your goals—or holding you back?

• Are you willing to be fully honest with someone who’s invested in your success?

Choosing your allies starts with knowing yourself. Are you motivated by tough love or patient encouragement? Do you need structure or emotional support? Pick allies who know how to speak your language—and who won’t let you coast when things get hard.

You can succeed without allies—but you’ll go further, faster, and deeper with the right ones by your side. The people you choose to walk with will influence the pace, direction, and depth of your journey. Choose wisely. The right ally won’t just help you survive the challenge. They’ll help you thrive in it.